By Delynda Pilon

It costs a lot of money to get hearing aids.
For some reason the government decided last year that my dad earns about $30,000 more per year than he actually does and they refused to help him get those silly little extras old people can easily do without - like teeth, hearing aids and decent glasses. Fortunately, the glasses he has do him pretty well and he still has at least half a set of dentures (As for the other half, well, he doesn’t want to talk about where he might have left him, but I’m kind of worried they might be sitting on a shelf at the grocery store somewhere, or maybe on a seat at the movie theatre. You have to kind of wonder what the person who finds them is going to think...).
Anyway, since dad is fighting with the government - and, as is usual, losing - he decided he doesn’t need a hearing aid. Mom begs to differ. She says her voice is getting horse from hollering at him when he goes out front to tend to the store.
Tending to the store is usually a euphemism for playing solitaire on the computer or chatting with one or another person who drops in. Its also a place for him to putter and paint - and avoid any household chore mom may want him to tend to.
Because of her frustration, mom had me send away for this amazing hearing device that’s been advertised on television lately. It came in the other day and I hand delivered it to mom who promptly gave it to dad. He was kind of excited with the device - after all, it has batteries, a cool little LCD light that glows blue and kind of makes him look like a product from a robotics factory and it enhances sounds incredibly well at a very low cost.
Now you can whisper in the living room and dad can hear you. He no longer has to sit right in front of the speaker to hear the television and the music blasting out of his van (Usually either Johnny Cash or Credence Clearwater Revival - though Dallas makes him turn it off when he grabs a ride to school with his gramps. He’s a lucky kid. When dad used to pick me up from school he wore a headband and blasted Willy Nelson from his tape deck - and there was no silencing him either.) has gone down a decibel or two.
So it was with some surprise that I walked in the other day only to hear mom hollering herself horse for dad to come and help her in the kitchen. Dad was sitting at his drawing desk, working away on this idea he has for a graphic novel (it’s based on a novel I wrote some years ago which he keeps encouraging me to send to a publisher - but then I’d have to actually retype it and I am too lazy for that). Anyway, mom would yell and dad wouldn’t even flinch. I watched him for some time before tapping him on the shoulder. He jumped about a foot in surprise before flashing me a grin.
Me: Mom’s calling you. Where in the world is your hearing gadget?
He picked it up, set it on his ear and turned it on.
Dad: What’d you say?
Me: Mom’s calling for you.
Dad: Ya, I know. That’s why I took this darned thing off. I think that woman wants me to cook something again.
I sighed, shook my head - then went and ratted him out to mom.
When he finally joined her in the kitchen he probably wished he’d ‘forgotten’ to put his hearing piece back on. Instead he had to listen to every word she said.
And she had a lot to say.