Why do guys have to spit so much?

By Delynda Pilon

I don’t get it, but it is definitely one of my pet peeves. I mean, they do it like it’s as normal as breathing - well, okay, it is as normal as breathing, but so are a lot of other things people don’t do in public.

Walk into any store and look down at the cement and you are going to see drips of spittle all over the place. I personally have taken a few quick counts of public spitters while sitting and waiting for passengers to be done their business (well, there was nothing good on the radio) and so far I have not seen any women hocking a loogie in public. Older fellows don’t usually seem to be the culprits either. But guys - say between the ages of 17 and 40 - are major villains in the expectoration extravaganza.

The other day I was sitting in the van waiting for Dallas when three young guys got out of an old beater. Their hair was perfect, their shades were cool and their jeans were baggy. I knew at once that as soon as they shucked up those jeans they’d be spitting up a storm. Sure enough, within seconds, spittle spattered the pavement.

In ancient Egypt spitting was part of a lot of magical ceremonies. For instance, if you wanted to hex the heck out of an enemy, you’d spit on his belongings. But if you wanted to get rid of a demon, you’d have to expectorate like mad.

Those boys were pretty cool about their spitting, so I doubt they were being vexed by demons. And they weren’t spitting on anything but the ground, so I don’t think they were casting a whammy on anyone either.

When I got home I decided to do a little research on the subject. In other words, I have way too much free time on my hands lately. Anyway, I finally ran into a theory that makes some sense to me. One sociologist likened men spitting in public (unless, of course, it is because they are sick or have something yucky stuck in their mouths) to dogs urinating on fenceposts to mark their territory. It’s a way of ensuring other guys know you are cool, tough, virile and not someone to mess with.

Wow. That’s a lot of work for a few drops of saliva.